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Lull.

February 28, 2011

I can’t believe it’s basically March.

I’ve been feeling a bit off in the last week or so, like I’m stuck in a rut. Not entirely sure what to do about it. I did well in my semester 1 exams so I’m pleased about that but now the work for this semester is starting to kick in. I think I’ve decided that I don’t want to even apply to do an MSc after my bachelors because I just don’t think academia is for me. It’s made me lazy and I find it hard to engage with my course the way I’m supposed to. I get decent results but I could probably do better if I really cared, but I’m bored and don’t really have the incentive to, it’s not like my degree is vocational. Going to uni was expected of me so that’s the main reason I’m here, although I do think it was probably the right path for me as I have benefited from the experience. Well, sometimes I think I have, a lot of the time I’m not so sure. I’m probably more comfortable in social situations than I ever was before but I think my anxiety has spread in to other areas. My boyfriend tells me I am really different from when we first met (in a good way) and I suppose he would be the best judge, he’s been there since day 1 and spent a hell of a lot of time with me since. I just find it hard to see what he sees.

What this self indulgent ramble is getting at is that I’ve got about a year, if not less, to sort out what I want to do with my life after uni and I’m scared. Self doubt has set in and I’m not sure how to shake it.

I wanted to find an image to end with to try and illustrate what I mean, but they were all pretty ‘profound’ (not in a good way). I like this one though:

From WeHeartIt.

 

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